


i could light the heavens on fire with all the love i have inside

by johhnysuh



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst, Astrologer! Renjun, Author doesn't know anything about constellations, Author really just loves the idea of Renjun tracing on Jaemin's back, Jaemin just misses his boyfriend tbh, Long-Distance Relationship, M/M, Really it's an attempt at angst, Renjun misses him too, Songfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-12
Updated: 2018-05-12
Packaged: 2019-05-05 21:22:39
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,351
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14627298
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/johhnysuh/pseuds/johhnysuh
Summary: Hello! This is a songfic based on the song "Twilight Blue" by Alice Kristiansen! It's recommended that you listen to it while reading this but honestly live your own life I'm not gonna judge. I hope you enjoy!





	i could light the heavens on fire with all the love i have inside

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! This is a songfic based on the song "Twilight Blue" by Alice Kristiansen! It's recommended that you listen to it while reading this but honestly live your own life I'm not gonna judge. I hope you enjoy!

_Moon face, cool rain_

_I stayed inside yesterday_

 

Jaemin sighs from where he sits on his window sill as he looks out to see a full moon, hearing the light rain tapping at his window. He’s honestly not sure how long it’s been since he’s even been outside, nothing seeming important enough to even step out of his room most of the time nowadays.

 

_Close the blinds, counting miles in my mind_

_And the hours till I see you again_

_Two thousand one hundred and ten_

 

He eventually gets tired of looking out the window, closing the blinds and returning to his bed, where he looks at his phone for the first time in hours. Nothing. Well, nothing from the only one who matters, at least. _1:36 AM,_ the clock on his phone reads. He puts his phone down, thinking about all the time he’s been without Renjun, and how much longer he has to go.

 

2 months, 3 weeks and 6 days.

 

He knew it was gonna be hard when they got together, being in a long distance relationship is never _easy_ , but he didn’t expect the sometimes unbearable weight on his chest when all he wants is to be in Renjun’s arms again.

 

_How are you spending your time?_

_I'm spinning round passing days_

_Stuck inside this retrograde_

 

He jumps as he feels his phone starting to buzz, wondering who could be calling him at this time of day. He breathes a sigh of relief when he sees that it’s Renjun. “Hi baby,” Jaemin says in greeting as he answers his phone. This is the first time in weeks they’ve been able to speak on the phone. “ _Hi my love,_ ” Renjun says in response, and Jaemin could cry at the feeling of being able to hear his voice again.

 

“ _How are you? What have you been up to?_ ” Renjun asks after a few seconds of silence while Jaemin tries to get himself together. “The usual: work, school, missing you. It’s been a little harder recently but it’ll be okay eventually. What about you, my dear?” Jaemin asks, wanting to hear all about Renjun’s life. Renjun sighs, and Jaemin can hear the utter exhaustion from thousands of miles away, causing him to frown. “ _Busy, but I suppose that’s just the life of a college student studying to be a literal rocket scientist. It’s full of days-long labs and staying up until late hours of the night, and research papers on things I can’t even pronounce. And it’s full of missing you, always._ ” he says like it’s a promise, and Jaemin doesn’t doubt that it is. “ _But speaking of late nights, shouldn’t you be asleep right now? It’s nearly 2 A.M there._ ”

 

Jaemin frowns at how ironic it is that Renjun is the one telling _him_ to sleep when Renjun is the one that pulls god knows how many all-nighters. He frowns at how caring Renjun is, despite his own obvious exhaustion. “I think I should be asking you that, love, not the other way around,” Jaemin says and Renjun just chuckles a little. “ _Well, I always did sleep better when you were beside me, but I guess over the phone will work too, so let's get some rest, together for once,_ ” Renjun suggests, and before they know it, they’re both asleep, phones pressed to their ears.

 

_Sunsets and sunrise,_

_I'm somewhere in between, living on dreams of you_

_Deep inside this twilight blue_

 

Jaemin startles awake only a few hours later, seeing the sun coming up on the horizon. He hears Renjun still on the phone, making small snoring noises and for a minute, it’s almost like they’re together again, in an alternate reality where Jaemin ever wakes up before Renjun.

 

It’s then that Jaemin realizes why he’d woken up. He’d been dreaming about Renjun, about being able to be in the same bed as him, even just sleeping. He’s always dreaming Renjun. Sometimes he thinks it might be the only thing keeping him afloat in his sea of “missing him.”

 

Before Jaemin can go too far down that trail of thought, he hears noise from the other side of the phone, the sounds of Renjun waking up. “ _Baby? You awake_ ?” Renjun asks, and Jaemin could melt. It’s been so long since he’s heard Renjun’s just-woke-up voice. “I am, good morning love,” Jaemin says in response, a small, sleepy smile on his face. “ _Good morning,_ ” Renjun says in response, and groans just a few seconds later, “ _fuck, I have a lab today starting in like an hour,_ ” Renjun says, sounding apologetic, and Jaemin knows that means they’re gonna have to hang up soon. “ _I’m sorry baby, I really enjoyed talking to you and being able to wake up to you. I love you, and I’ll call you again as soon as I can._ ”

 

“I love you too, baby, good luck on your lab today,” Jaemin says, getting a quick ‘thank you’ in response before the call is ended. Jaemin slumps back against his headboard, sighing. He doesn’t have class for another few hours, so he sets an alarm and goes back to sleep, having a harder time now that he can’t hear the other, but he manages.

 

_Perfect porcelain_

_Drawing constellations with the freckles on my skin_

 

One of the (many) things Jaemin misses about Renjun is the time they would spend together in bed in the early mornings, a time that always felt like there were no deadlines to meet, no classes to attend, no calls or texts to answer, and no other people on the planet. It was just them when they were laying in that bed, nothing else existed.

 

One of Renjun’s favorite things to do in the morning before Jaemin would wake up is to trace along his back, where most of his freckles were. His favorite thing to trace were constellations, seeing as he was studying to be an astrologer. Stars were his second favorite thing (after Jaemin, of course), and he absolutely loves constellations. He would always start out with easy ones, like both of their astrological signs and then would work to the more difficult ones, and he would just do that until Jaemin woke up (on some days it only took him until Renjun’s astrological sign and some days Renjun could go through a whole book of constellations before Jaemin would wake up, but the reaction, once he did, was always the same.)

 

_Starlight shining through your eyes_

_The warmest kind of glow_

 

Jaemin rolls over to face Renjun, eyes barely open but smile bright. “Good morning you nerd,” he says, love filling every word. “Good morning darling,” Renjun says, snaking his arms around Jaemin’s waist and pulling him closer, kissing his forehead (he refuses to kiss him on the mouth before they’ve both brushed their teeth.) Now that Jaemin’s eyes are more open than they were before, Renjun can see stars in them, eyes shining almost as bright as his smile (which is _almost_ as bright as the sun.)

 

They spend the rest of that morning in bed, wrapped up in each other’s warmth and their love for each other.

 

It’s those times that Jaemin misses the most.

 

_I could light the heavens on fire_

_With all the love I have inside_

 

Sometimes Jaemin thinks he might love Renjun _too much_. But then he remembers that Renjun loves him just the same, no matter how far apart they are right now.

 

Sometimes Jaemin thinks he could probably take the power of his love for Renjun and use it to overpower even god himself (even if he doesn’t believe.) He could take over heaven and hell and would still have enough power to give Renjun all the stars in the sky, because it’s what he deserves.

 

Jaemin never thought, not once in his life, until he met Renjun, that he could love someone so much that it would move him to be a better person, that it would inspire him to be the best he could be.

 

But he did, and he’s endlessly thankful for and in love with Renjun.

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you enjoyed!  
> tumblr: pxnk-na


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